I (don't) Want It All

I want to let you in on a little secret.  You can’t have it all. No matter what your favorite magazine, celebrity guru, or mid-life crisis may be whispering in your ear, it’s just not possible.  And really, do you want it all?  I know I don't.

Before cancer I thought I would grow up to be a wealthy advertising executive/Broadway star/stand-up comedian who had her own independent life as well as a family, spoke 10 languages, was fit and looked stunning in a bikini, traveled the world, wrote witty and insightful novels and occasionally headlined in her own cabaret show in major cities throughout the country and abroad. 

Done snickering yet?  I wish I could say that was just the 10-year old me, but it was also the 20-year-old me, the 30-year old me, and yes, at times, the 40-year-old me.  I didn't want to choose any one thing, because I didn't want to limit myself.

41-year-old me got a cancer diagnosis and finally had to acknowledge that I am not going to live forever, that I can’t do everything, and that while dreams are great, accomplishment is more fulfilling.  I have finally made some choices about who I am, and now I can focus my energy on really accomplishing things.

Now I strive to be a good friend, daughter and aunt, a life coach who supports cancer patients along their journeys, who still loves to sing, but will settle for an open mic night, a class recital, and maybe someday a cabaret show, right here in Chicago.  I am funny.  I don’t need a stage to prove that. And yes, I do think I still have a book in me, but it may just stay hidden in the round belly that will probably never wear a bikini again.

And I am ok with that, because by making choices, and realizing that I can’t have everything, I have finally found the happiness and satisfaction that I have been chasing my whole life.  So make a choice.  You may just find that what you thought would limit you will actually set you free.