Making the most of every moment?

How the hell do you live every moment? I sure can’t do it. After I recovered from cancer treatment, I promised myself I would, and there were definitely lots of times when fruit tasted sweeter and the simple act of going for a walk filled my heart with joy, but as time goes by and I feel more confident about the length of my stay here on Earth, I find myself lapsing into the mundane, and I feel guilty about not enjoying each and every single moment to its last.

The more pressure I put on myself to make the most of every minute, the worse I feel when one slips by.  I sleep too late - crap I missed an hour of my life I will never get back.  I watch a Bones marathon on TV – well that’s an afternoon that’s gone forever.  I turn down an invitation to dinner because I am tired and feel like staying home – there go precious memories with friends that will never be made.

So what’s a cancer survivor to do?  I have been enlightened regarding my mortality – I know I won’t live forever and I mean to make the most of my life.  So what does it mean if I find myself here, on a random Thursday afternoon, procrastinating things I should be doing to move my life forward?  What should I do?

Well here’s a crazy idea – I am not going to fight this. I plan to just be my lazy, procrastinating self right now.  I intend to explore my fear that I will end up homeless and alone if I don’t book another facial party, or get another coaching client right this minute. I will ride that feeling as low as it takes me, because you know what?  I am LIVING this moment.  I am breathing, thinking  and choosing my actions, and that is part of life.  And the simple act of living and experiencing this albeit slightly crappy moment to its fullest is already turning my mood, and my moment, around. 

Well, I gotta run! I will talk to you all later.  I have work to do!!